Failure

Sometimes I still feel like crying, a lot.  I can control it now, but I don't always want to.  Sometimes I just want to sit in a quiet corner and cry and pour my heart out to my LORD, my heavenly Father.  I don't think it is the SAD, I think it is grief.  Grief over what I have lost.  Grief over my failure.  In fact, I feel like a failure.  I feel like I not only let myself down, but a lot of other people as well.  Now in my head, I know it wasn't all me, but in my heart I feel it is true.  Yes there are some things I should have done and said differently many months ago, but choices were made for me that I had no control over.  Even if I had said things differently the events would have still taken place.  I had no control over that.  So, why do I internalize it and turn all back on me.  That I don't understand.

Every day I am reminded about my failure.  Every day I see someone else doing what I love to do.  Every day more and more is taken from me.  Every day the voices in my head get louder, telling me I'm worthless, I'm a failure.  My heart breaks because I lost what I loved and was passionate about. BUT, all that self-talk, those voices in my head are lying to me.  I am NOT worthless.  I am NOT a failure.  My Father tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I am made in His image.  Hebrews 2: 6-7 says, "But one in a certain place testified saying, what is man, that thou art mindful of him? or the son of man that thou visitist him? (7) Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels; thou crownedst him with glory and honour, and did set him over the works of thy hands".  How can I be worthless or a failure if God did that for me?

In Romans 8:28 tells me, "and we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose".  There is a reason this mess happened, several reasons, and me being a failure isn't one of them.  I may have failed to listen to God as well as I should have, but we have become even closer as I cling to Him for comfort and strength.  And He does comfort me.  Through His word, through songs, through this beautiful place I live, He comforts me.  

Through this situation that I have been placed in, God has been faithful.  He has shown me small things that are really quite amazing when you think about them, like this next picture.

Believe it or not this is a snail trail.  Who knew snails were musical, God does.  This helps me see that God is in control.  He cares for me.  He LOVES me.  He loves ME.  So, that means I need to stifle those nasty voices in my head, which isn't easy.  We have, after all, been together for a very long time.  But I need to listen to God's voice, follow His lead, wherever it takes me, because that is going to be the most awesome journey I will ever take.

Father,
I love You so much.  You make my heart so full.  How marvelous are Your works.  Thank You for showing me these small things.  Thank You for lightening my heart.  Thank You for loving Me, even when I am unloveable.  Father, direct my every step to walk on Your path.  Guide my heart.  Renew Your Holy Spirit in me each day.  Father, help me to stop listening to the wrong voices.  Please help me to not only believe in You, but believe You.  I praise Your Holy Name.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

A Land Flowing with Milk and Honey...

Since I mentioned what this blog was originally intended to be, I decided to share a little of what we have here in the Umpqua Valley. It is actually more than one valley and is called the 100 Valleys of the Umpqua.  It is really quite gorgeous.  It is my promised land.

So there you have it, a little taste of what the Umpqua Valley has to offer, and believe me this is just a taste.  There is so much more.

Gracious Father,
Thank you for blessing me with such a beautiful and bountiful place to live.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

What's in a Name

So, the name of this blog is a little misleading.  It is not a food blog, which explains why I haven't talked about food.

When I named this blog, I was going to blog about where I live here in the Umpqua Valley, a land truly flowing with milk and honey, but God had other plans.  Those plans worked right into the title.  How do you ask?  Let me tell you.

The phrase flowing with milk and honey makes me think of God's word, particularly a verse which would go great with a blog about the Umpqua Valley.  It is Numbers 13:27:  "Then they told him, and said: ""We went to the land where you sent us.  It truly flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit.""  This is the account of when Moses sent the twelve spies to spy out the land God had promised them.  Unfortunately for them it took them another 40 years to get there, but that is a different post, and maybe I'll throw a little Umpqua Valley in there too.

Anyway, there are other references to milk and honey in the Bible that talk more about God and Jesus and how we can grow from His word.

Let's start with Psalm 119:103-"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth".  Have you felt that way after reading God's word.  I have.  I love reading His word, studying His word, and thinking on His word.  It is like having a good meal with a sweet treat thrown in (and I said this wasn't a food blog, lol).

How about 1 Peter 2:1-3- "Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, as newborn babes desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious".

Just as an invite, Psalm 34:8-"Oh taste an see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who trusts Him.  These verses just make me want to shout GLORY HALLELUJAH!

Feasting on His word, resting in His promises, knowing how much He loves and cares for us.  OH GLORY!

Now that is a land flowing with milk and honey, God's Word.

Father,
I thank you for Your word.  I thank you that You said it would not return void.  Fill our hearts with Your love.  Guide us as we read Your word and learn to feast on it.

In Jesus Name
Amen.