Recently someone wrote five positives about me. They are smart, loves learning, courageous, strong, and logical. I haven't decided how I feel about them yet. Weird huh? I mean who wouldn't like to be thought of as smart, loves to learn, courageous, strong, and logical? Maybe they would seem more like positives and a compliment if that is how I felt about myself. Let's take a look and compare:
Smart: Well, a smart alec maybe. I know a lot of stuff, but it is just stuff. I have knowledge, but what I need and desire is wisdom. Proverbs 1:7, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline". Proverbs 3:7, "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil". James 3:17, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. I may have knowledge (or be smart) but I need wisdom to know what to do with it. The Bible tells me in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask of God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given him. Thank you Father.
Loves to learn: Well, yes I do. I like to be prepared. Sometimes I just like to know things. Again, this builds knowledge, but I still need wisdom.
Strong: This is not the first person to tell me this. In fact a couple months ago a dear lady I know told me how strong she always thought I was (as she held me while I sobbed in her arms). It has been a rough season in a lot of ways. The way I see it, I put on a good show. I am strong willed, which is entirely different. Most of the time I just want to curl up and cry. I like to avoid things. But, Jesus tells me in Isaiah 40:29, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak". Psalm 119:28, "My soul is weary with sorrow, strengthen me according to Your word". Isaiah 40:30-31, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. One last one, Habakkuk 3:19, "The sovereign LORD is my strength, He makes my feet like the deer, He enables me to go on the heights". I love how God's word makes me feel.
Courageous: Oh my, I am anything but courageous. Inside, I'm terrified. I'm afraid I'm going to fail at whatever I try to do. I'm afraid to be alone, but also afraid of people. I'm terrified to let anyone know the real me, to know how needy and imperfect I am. My main verse to get me out my door and through the day is, Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. It is only through Christ that I can even let anybody see this much of the real me.
Logical: I don't know where that one came from, but I'm about as logical as a 4 year old. I have learned some logic and to try to think through things, but mostly I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. I'm spontaneous, a fliberty-gibbit, mind-changing women.
Smart: Well, a smart alec maybe. I know a lot of stuff, but it is just stuff. I have knowledge, but what I need and desire is wisdom. Proverbs 1:7, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline". Proverbs 3:7, "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil". James 3:17, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. I may have knowledge (or be smart) but I need wisdom to know what to do with it. The Bible tells me in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask of God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given him. Thank you Father.
Loves to learn: Well, yes I do. I like to be prepared. Sometimes I just like to know things. Again, this builds knowledge, but I still need wisdom.
Strong: This is not the first person to tell me this. In fact a couple months ago a dear lady I know told me how strong she always thought I was (as she held me while I sobbed in her arms). It has been a rough season in a lot of ways. The way I see it, I put on a good show. I am strong willed, which is entirely different. Most of the time I just want to curl up and cry. I like to avoid things. But, Jesus tells me in Isaiah 40:29, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak". Psalm 119:28, "My soul is weary with sorrow, strengthen me according to Your word". Isaiah 40:30-31, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. One last one, Habakkuk 3:19, "The sovereign LORD is my strength, He makes my feet like the deer, He enables me to go on the heights". I love how God's word makes me feel.
Courageous: Oh my, I am anything but courageous. Inside, I'm terrified. I'm afraid I'm going to fail at whatever I try to do. I'm afraid to be alone, but also afraid of people. I'm terrified to let anyone know the real me, to know how needy and imperfect I am. My main verse to get me out my door and through the day is, Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. It is only through Christ that I can even let anybody see this much of the real me.
Logical: I don't know where that one came from, but I'm about as logical as a 4 year old. I have learned some logic and to try to think through things, but mostly I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. I'm spontaneous, a fliberty-gibbit, mind-changing women.
I still haven't decided for sure how to take this, they are all good things, but it just shows how little this person really knows me. How little of a relationship we really have. It is sad really that I haven't gotten so good at hiding me that someone who I see every day hasn't even scratched the surface of who I really am.
Oh, I will keep working on things. Trusting God. Growing in Him. I will also take comfort in the knowledge that God knows exactly who I am, how weak I am, how scared I am, how flightly I am, how unwise I am (even though I have some knowledge, it is all fluff). Since I do love to learn, I will learn to trust Him more and learn to depend on Him more.
Father,
I thank you for making me, me. I know I have a long ways to go and a lot to learn, but I put my life in Your hands and trust You will teach me and give me wisdom, strength, and courage.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Oh, I will keep working on things. Trusting God. Growing in Him. I will also take comfort in the knowledge that God knows exactly who I am, how weak I am, how scared I am, how flightly I am, how unwise I am (even though I have some knowledge, it is all fluff). Since I do love to learn, I will learn to trust Him more and learn to depend on Him more.
Father,
I thank you for making me, me. I know I have a long ways to go and a lot to learn, but I put my life in Your hands and trust You will teach me and give me wisdom, strength, and courage.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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