Forgiveness

Why is it that forgiveness is so hard? I always feel better when I forgive, yet, I tend to hang on to the anger, resentment, and bitterness.  Why?  Who am I making feel bad?  It usually isn't  the person who has hurt me.  It is me that is miserable.  So I ask, why?  Is it because the anger helps mask the ache in my heart and helps me get through my day?  Maybe.  It does seem to fuel me.

God has laid this post on my heart because, you guessed it, I am harboring unforgiveness in my heart. I have been hurt so I want to lash out or do something for revenge.  Yet, God's sweet voice keeps whispering in my ear, "Beth, I forgave you for a lot worse hurts than what you have suffered".  Wow. My toes have been stepped on.

I have been going to a Bible study with some co-workers and our study for this week was on patience and the part it plays in forgiveness.  There was some major conviction going on there.  In fact, writing a post and what to write about forgiveness popped into my mind.  Then I thought, but I don't want to forgive.  I want to be angry.  I don't want to write about it.  Why, because then I would have to deal with the unforgiveness.  God is tricky that way.  So, I decided I would write about something else.  My mind was absolutely blank, except for the word forgiveness.

As I am writing this my heart feels like it is going to burst under the conviction and my eyes are brimming with tears.  The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 (NIV) comes to mind:

21.  Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?  Up to seven times?  22.  Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.  23.  "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  24.  As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.  25.  Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.  26.  "At this the servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.'  27.  The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.  28.  "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.  he grabbed him and began to choke him.  'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.  29.  "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay it back."  30.  "But he refused.  Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.  31.  When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.  32.  "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.  33.  Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you.  34.  In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.  35.  "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart."

Now I don't know about you, but I sure don't want to be tortured, which is what happens to us when we don't forgive.  Not forgiving has an impact on our body.  In an interview with Dr. Fred Luskin (who did a study on forgiveness) on PBS he states, "People are starting to understand that forgiveness can help your physical health as well."  Dr. Luskin also gives a definition of forgiveness, "that to forgive is to give up all hope for a better past".  Dr. Luskin also states, "Forgiveness allows you a fresh start, whether it's a big  insult or a small one.  It's like a rain coming to a polluted environment. It clears things".  Now I like that.  

I know for me being angry all the time doesn't make me feel good.  It gets those stress hormones going, the adrenaline pumping, which isn't good for our bodies either.  So, I guess I will have to take care of some business, sooner rather than later.

How about you?  Are you needing to forgive someone?  Would you like that peace and joy that only God can give back?  Let's pray:

Gracious Heavenly Father,

You have been so merciful to me to forgive me of all my sins.  You sent your Son to die for me.  That makes the forgiveness I received from you very costly.  Father, I confess that I hold unforgiveness in my heart.  I don't want it there, but I am so weak.  Father, help me to have a forgiving and merciful spirit.  Help me to forgive and move on.  Thank you Father for your mercy and grace.

In Jesus' precious Holy Name,

Amen.