Fortress

I admit it, I'm a mess.  I try to keep it all together.  I read my Bible.  I pray.  But, still I'm a mess.

Sometimes everything inside is just a big jumble of contradictions.  I want to obey God, but I mess up so much.  It is like it says in Romans 7:19, "For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep doing". (NIV)

Remember the other day when I talked about forgiveness, well, I am struggling.  I say I have forgiven this person but I keep plotting revenge.  When I prayed and confessed the unforgiveness I felt such a peace and a release.  Next day I'm trying to figure out to get back at this person, how to inflict the most damage.  Me oh my.

I don't know about you, but this conflict going on inside is very uncomfortable.  I don't like being angry all the time, it makes my blood pressure go up (literally).  I just want to be done.  Move on. Get over it.  Easier said than done.

So what am I going to do about it?  Pray, pray, pray, and pray some more.  I need to realize just how hurt I was and give that hurt to Jesus.  Psalm 62 jumped out at me today as I was doing some reading,



Psalm 62
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.


1 Truly my soul finds rest in God;
    my salvation comes from him.

2 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

3 How long will you assault me?
   Would all of you throw me down—
   this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

4 Surely they intend to topple me
   from my lofty place;
   they take delight in lies.
   With their mouths they bless,
   but in their hearts they curse.

5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
 my hope comes from him.

6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
 he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
   he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
   pour out your hearts to him,
   for God is our refuge.

9 Surely the lowborn are but a breath,
   the highborn are but a lie.
   If weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
   together they are only a breath.

10 Do not trust in extortion
     or put vain hope in stolen goods;
     though your riches increase,
     do not set your heart on them.

11 One thing God has spoken,
     two things I have heard:
     “Power belongs to you, God,

12 and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”;
     and, “You reward everyone
     according to what they have done.”

I love verse 2, "Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

 he is my fortress, I will never be shaken".  I love this whole Psalm, but to think of my Father as a rock,  a big, immovable boulder and then a fortress--built with that strong rock.  How soul stirring is that.  How safe would you feel when you are under siege just knowing that nothing, no weapon, no words, no looks--absolutely nothing can get through to hurt you.  What a comfort.  

So tonight I will give this all to Jesus, my ROCK, my SALVATION, my FORTRESS, my REFUGE and I will move on...and tomorrow will be a better day.

Father in heaven,  I praise your HOLY NAME.  I thank you so much for Your word, for Your promises, for Your comfort You have written.  Father, I know I'm not the only one in the world who is struggling with unforgiveness, or any other sin, so Father, will you please help these dear ones and me, to really forgive, put it behind us.  Help us to move on Father and grow in Your grace.  I thank you for all You have done for me, but most of all I thank you for sending Your Son to die on the cross to save me.  I am so unworthy of such a magnificent gift,

In Jesus Name,

Amen