Repeat

Here is a re-post of a post on my old blog, which is no more in cyberland.  I let it lapse because, frankly, I ran out of things to say.  I became too consumed with my job and that is all I wanted to talk about or do, and my blog wast not a preschool blog.  So, I let it go.  I loved that blog.  I enjoyed sharing on it.  But, now a new adventure and maybe I will share some of the old once in a while, like now.

Ramblings

Sometimes I wonder why I started blogging.  I mean really, what do I really have to say?  I hold a lot back because, truthfully, it isn't usually worth saying out loud much less writing down.

When I think back to when I started this blog, I remember why I started it.  I started it to share my tea room and my experiences with it.  Since it closed, I have pretty much rambled on about anything.

I suppose I should pick a topic to write about.  All the good bloggers do that ya know.  I just hate to be pinned down.  What if I get tired of knitting, cooking, my dogs, my rabbit, chickens...blah, blah, blah.  I doubt I ever will get tired of these things, but ya never know.

I guess I will just keep rambling on and if you see something you like...enjoy.

Thanks for stopping by,

Beth

I am enjoying my new blog, even though sometimes it is hard to be so open.  Not many people (now they do) get to see this from me.  I tend to hold people off at arms length.  I don't want them to get too close to see what a mess I really am.  Now I'm putting it out there for the world to see.  Funny how God works.  I guess we need to get the mess cleaned up and what better way to do it than to invite company over...am I right?

I hope you enjoy this new venture as much as I am.  If you read something you like leave a comment. Comments are good.  If you disagree with something I wrote, leave a comment, but please be nice.  We can discuss it and perhaps agree to disagree.  

Father,

Thank You for this new venture and guiding me with each and every post.  Please give me the words to say and always let it glorify You.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Submitting

I have been doing a lot of Bible study lately, and I mean a lot.  It is about the only book I read, other than good books by Beth Moore or Lysa Terkeurst.  These are not the only good authors out there, they just happen to have books and Bible studies that I am currently or have done recently.  Right now my daughter and I are going through "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope.  It is dealing with things I have been thinking about for a while.  Now if I would just hit the parts that make me want to lay prostrate on the floor praying while at home instead of work that would be awesome.  Not that it would be a bad thing, it is just hard to pray that sincerely when people interrupt you.

It seems lately that how I (referring to posture) pray is becoming more important as I work through things with God.  Beth Moore touched on it a little in the last study of hers I did.  I know we can pray any where, any way we want.  God likes it when we talk to Him.  But, I have been feeling led to take it deeper, a more submissive posture.  I noticed a few months ago that when I actually kneel to pray my day goes better.  Does God hear me more clearly in that position?  No.  I think it is my attitude.  I am coming before my LORD and Saviour in a humble attitude, one of submitting to His will.  Have you ever tried it?  How does it work for you if you have?

Another posture, which I have not yet done, is prostrate on the floor.  That is very humbling.  Why haven't I done it?  I feel like that is what I need to do.  I believe that in my quest for a closer relationship with  Jesus I really need to humble myself and submit fully.  But, I come up with a million excuses like, I haven't swept the floor yet today (I have dogs, eww), I'm at work, I don't have time.  Yet if I am truly submitting to His will, like a servant of yore, I would be face down in the dirt if I were to come in to my LORD's presence.  I think I just have not been willing to submit yet.

Submission, what a dirty word.  Who really wants to submit, put ourselves in a subservient manner or attitude.  I don't know about you, but I don't want anyone telling me what to do or how to live, Lording it over me.  I want to be top dog who is submitted to.  That is not how it works with God, who is sovereign.  Plus, I really want THAT relationship, that closeness.  I'm craving it.

I read today in "A Confident Heart" (Renee Swope), "Salvation is a one-time decision, but finding satisfaction in Christ and living in the security of His promises is daily process".  I have been questioning my salvation lately.  Wondering why if I am saved do I not have a closer relationship with Jesus.  Why do I feel the way I do.  I know I have given my life to Him.  I remember the day.  But, still, somehow I feel empty and alone.  I keep searching for things to make me happy.  Swope's statement opened my eyes to what I am missing.  Jesus needs to be my satisfaction and I need to commit to that daily and live and believe His promises.

I am excited to be on this journey of developing a closer, more meaningful relationship with Jesus.  He loves me, He died for me, He rose for me.  He has done so much for me, AND you.  That kind of love is unfathomable.  The closest I can come to it is the love I have for my children and my grandson.  A love that would do anything in my power to protect them, care for them, yes, even die for them.  But I am fallible and can't always live up to my love, not like Jesus did.

I am so thankful for what He did and that He is faithful to pursue me and  you to the ends of the earth to have a deep relationship with us.  As with all relationships for us mere mortals, it takes work and submitting to His will rather than our own.

Father,
I praise Your Holy Name.  I thank You for sending Your precious Son to die on the cross for my sins. Thank You for the borrowed tomb He was buried in.  Thank You for raising Him from the dead.  Thank You for seeing what He did for me, and not what I do or don't do that displeases You.  Father, I ask for strength in my weakness to submit to Your will and draw closer to You.

In Jesus Name,
Amen 

Failure

Sometimes I still feel like crying, a lot.  I can control it now, but I don't always want to.  Sometimes I just want to sit in a quiet corner and cry and pour my heart out to my LORD, my heavenly Father.  I don't think it is the SAD, I think it is grief.  Grief over what I have lost.  Grief over my failure.  In fact, I feel like a failure.  I feel like I not only let myself down, but a lot of other people as well.  Now in my head, I know it wasn't all me, but in my heart I feel it is true.  Yes there are some things I should have done and said differently many months ago, but choices were made for me that I had no control over.  Even if I had said things differently the events would have still taken place.  I had no control over that.  So, why do I internalize it and turn all back on me.  That I don't understand.

Every day I am reminded about my failure.  Every day I see someone else doing what I love to do.  Every day more and more is taken from me.  Every day the voices in my head get louder, telling me I'm worthless, I'm a failure.  My heart breaks because I lost what I loved and was passionate about. BUT, all that self-talk, those voices in my head are lying to me.  I am NOT worthless.  I am NOT a failure.  My Father tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I am made in His image.  Hebrews 2: 6-7 says, "But one in a certain place testified saying, what is man, that thou art mindful of him? or the son of man that thou visitist him? (7) Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels; thou crownedst him with glory and honour, and did set him over the works of thy hands".  How can I be worthless or a failure if God did that for me?

In Romans 8:28 tells me, "and we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose".  There is a reason this mess happened, several reasons, and me being a failure isn't one of them.  I may have failed to listen to God as well as I should have, but we have become even closer as I cling to Him for comfort and strength.  And He does comfort me.  Through His word, through songs, through this beautiful place I live, He comforts me.  

Through this situation that I have been placed in, God has been faithful.  He has shown me small things that are really quite amazing when you think about them, like this next picture.

Believe it or not this is a snail trail.  Who knew snails were musical, God does.  This helps me see that God is in control.  He cares for me.  He LOVES me.  He loves ME.  So, that means I need to stifle those nasty voices in my head, which isn't easy.  We have, after all, been together for a very long time.  But I need to listen to God's voice, follow His lead, wherever it takes me, because that is going to be the most awesome journey I will ever take.

Father,
I love You so much.  You make my heart so full.  How marvelous are Your works.  Thank You for showing me these small things.  Thank You for lightening my heart.  Thank You for loving Me, even when I am unloveable.  Father, direct my every step to walk on Your path.  Guide my heart.  Renew Your Holy Spirit in me each day.  Father, help me to stop listening to the wrong voices.  Please help me to not only believe in You, but believe You.  I praise Your Holy Name.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Peace

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.  John 14: 27


That is what I experienced for the first time in a long time the other day.  I had been praying for a situation that didn't really involve me, but concerned me because I love those involved. So I faithfully prayed and was rewarded with a wonderful peace about the situation.  

What a wonderful feeling to feel that wonderful peace that passes all understanding.  Why don't I listen and follow directions more often?  Hmmmm, kids do the same thing and I wonder the same about them.  I guess it is the human condition.  Think about the Israelites wandering in the desert for forty years.  Plus they added whining and complaining.  Wow, the Bible really steps on my toes. But, that is a good thing because it makes me grow in Christ and that is what I want most of all. 

Now I don't know exactly how my prayer was answered, but it really doesn't matter.  God has let me know that He will take care of it and I don't need to worry, which I tend to do. Even if it is something that is not my problem.  In Philippians 4:6-7 it says, "Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  (7)  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus".  I have to remind myself of this verse a lot.

Why is it that we read God's promises, and the Bible tells us over and over again, don't worry, God will take care of it; and then we worry about everything?  I don't understand me or anyone else for that matter.  Again, looking back at the Israelites, they were constantly worrying about where the food would come from, which God provided abundantly.  Then, where is the water, which God made available out of rocks.  They worried about protection from the other people whose lands they were pass through, God protected them.

Even Abraham and Issac worried.  When Abraham went through Egypt he told Sarah to tell everyone she was his sister so he would be treated well and not killed for her because she was a beautiful woman.  Issac did the same thing.  God would have protected them, in face He still did because the king was a little upset about it since he did think she was beautiful and wanted her for his own.

I guess this is something I really need to work on and I need God's help to do it.

Dear Father,
Thank you for the peace and the answer to my prayer.  Help me Father to not worry but take it to You and leave it with Your. 

In Jesus Name,
Amen

To Leap or Not to Leap...

I hope everyone had a blessed Easter weekend.  Our church service was amazing.  The whole thing really spoke to me and confirmed, yet again, that I am to step out in faith.

Now normally I'm a leap before I look kinda gal, but lately I have been very cautious.  I would like to say I don't know why, but I do.  I like how things are going in my life, at least most of them.  I like being able to do what I want to do.

God has been speaking.  A lot.  I have been seeing things in scripture, books I've been reading, sermons I have listened to, all saying the same thing.  Trust me, step out in faith.  So I am.  One step at a time.  I am creating a studio in my home so that I will have a place to do some creating.  I haven't done any in a while.  I miss it.  Since I have an extra bedroom in my house, I thought it would make a lovely studio.  Right now it is a storage room.  So goodbye junk, hello pretty room with a window with a great inspiring view.

What do I create?  I sew quilts and clothes, I knit and crochet, and I'm learning bookbinding.  I think it will be so cool to make journals.  All kinds of journals.  That is something else I like to do, journaling.  Now I can make my own journals.  Maybe someday I will post a few pictures of my creations.  For now, I need to get busy in that room.

Father,
Thank you for not giving up on me, for continuing to speak to me and guide me.  Father, I ask for inspiration and time to do the things I love.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

A Land Flowing with Milk and Honey...

Since I mentioned what this blog was originally intended to be, I decided to share a little of what we have here in the Umpqua Valley. It is actually more than one valley and is called the 100 Valleys of the Umpqua.  It is really quite gorgeous.  It is my promised land.

So there you have it, a little taste of what the Umpqua Valley has to offer, and believe me this is just a taste.  There is so much more.

Gracious Father,
Thank you for blessing me with such a beautiful and bountiful place to live.

In Jesus Name,
Amen