He Leads, I Follow

 

This! This is where I am right now. 

I have been a believer and follower of Jesus for a very long time, since I was 16 and let's just say I'm a long way from 16 now. I have trusted God through some pretty rough times throughout my life but this past year has been the hardest.

As you know, my husband passed away about a year ago and that is one HUGE change I wasn't ready to make. In fact, let's say I have been struggling with God about that one. I mean, we were married for 35 years. I was looking forward to him retiring and spending more time with him and enjoying each other. Now, I'm alone. I miss him. 

Anyway, back to this passage in Psalm 143. Let's start in verse 7, 

Answer me speedily, O LORD;

My spirit fails!

Do not hide Your face from me,

Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.

This has been my prayer for a year. A YEAR! And truthfully a lot of this year I have felt like God was hiding His face from me. I know you can't trust your feelings and He has been here with me the whole time, but I have been teetering on the edge of the pit, crying out to my Father, my God, my Rescuer, my Saviour.

Verse 8,

Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,

For in You do I trust. 

Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,

For I lift up my soul to You.

I have made it a practice for years to spend time in God's word daily, in the morning. I do this because it starts my day off right. I am reading God's word and hearing from Him and I am spending time in prayer telling Him what is on my heart and asking for His guidance and leading through my day. This past year, even though I felt far away from God, I felt it was more important than ever to spend this time with Him. It hasn't been easy either. With having to go back to work and help take care of my grandson, I have to get up earlier and plan my time out better. Without this time at the beginning of my day though, I would be lost and unable to function. So everyday I open my Bible and read God's precious words to me, I have spent a lot of time in Psalms because they speak my heart, and I offer myself to God to use and lead as He sees fit. I also seek His strength.

Which brings us to verse 9 and 10,

Deliver me, O LORD, from my enemies;

In You I take shelter.

Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God,

Your Spirit is good.

Lead me in the land of uprightness.

I don't really have any physical enemies but Satan has been attacking me spiritually and every which way, so he is the enemy I seek deliverance from. Everyday I reach out to God and ask Him to take care of me and protect me. I want to do His will. I don't want to be that depressed, sad sack person who no one wants to be around. I want people to see Jesus in me. God's spirit is good. He has been leading me. I thank Him daily for His Son, who died on the cross for my sins, even though I was so unworthy. God sustains me. He fills me with His strength everyday so that I can get out of bed because I am broken and have no strength of my own. Without God, I wouldn't have made it through this year because let's face it, it has been a crazy, change-filled year that has been extremely hard to navigate alone. Thankfully I am not alone because I have Jesus.

Now the last two verses, 11 and 12,

Revive me, O Lord, for Your name's sake! 

For Your righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.

In Your mercy cut off my enemies,

And destroy all those who afflict my soul;

For I am Your servant.

I do ask to be revived for His name's sake. I ask every day for relief and the enemy to be defeated because I am His servant. Let me get real here, I have struggled tremendously this past year with the path I am on. I have begged God to change the things that have happened and are happening. I have felt crushed and defeated. I have just wanted to give up. But every day I wake up and grab my Bible and seek God. I seek His will. I seek His strength because I don't have any. He is what gets me out of bed every morning. He is what gets me out of the house every day. He is what gets me through the day at work. I cannot do it without God.

I know this is very introspective, but I also think about others. There have been others who have lost their spouses or children or house or job or a combination of any of these. I lift them up to God because He is the only one who can ease their pain and strengthen them. I know my situation could be worse and I am so thankful it is not. I, like all those other hurting people, am ready for a break. For some good days. Some stress free days. A day where we can feel God's strength and know everything is going to be okay because God is there beside us. But even if this day doesn't come soon, I WILL follow my God.

Beth